I'll Leave When The Wind Blows
by azherd
Summary: Snape and Lily. Snape thinks about Lily this is when he's like twenty years old after she dies when he visits her grave. He's bitter but somewhat accepts things in the end. Rather sad. Please read and review.


06/23/2009

Harry Potter Fanfiction

Snape & Lily

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Note: "The Wind Blows" by The All American Rejects doesn't belong to me. Unfortunately, neither does beloved Harry Potter.

I included the titles of several well known songs by my favorite bands that have similar themes. See if you can spot them.

I'll Leave When The Wind Blows

Death Eater/ Dumbledore's spy, Severus Snape sat by the grave of Lily Evans. Well, she was really now Lily Potter. It was a dark day indeed, not just metaphorically. Clouds hung overhead, as if to express their condolences and grief over the many deaths. Snape was clad in black; both in mourning and because it was his usual style anyway. He rested his head on his arm, which was circled around Lily's grey tombstone. The young brilliant wizard in his twenties began to tear up. An enormous lump formed in his throat as he thought of the young woman who had once captured his heart. Suddenly, the shadow of the day fell away as he experienced a flashback of his times with Lily in school.

_"I've got to breathe  
You can't take that from me  
Cause it's all that you left that's mine"_

Years together. Many, many years together. Lily had arrived in his life, a beacon of light piercing the dark night that was his world. She had taken everything from him. Everything. His dark thoughts, his constant misery, his deep bitterness that made up the core of him. She'd replaced all of that with a brighter, more content spirit and attitude. Yes. She had changed him. Completely and irreversibly changed him for the better.

_  
"You had to leave  
And that's all I can see  
But you told me your love was blind"_

And Lily Evans, _his_ Lily Evans (Lily Snape, she could have been) had left him. She had abandoned him, had left him to suffer resulting in horrendous consequences right when Severus needed her most. Selfishness. And he had thought she was so selfless. He wanted her to be happy. He really did...But she had decieved him, had betrayed him...She had left him, right after the a bit more beautiful world she had created for Snape began to crumble and lose its luminosity. Still, he loved her. He would do anything to get her back. To get back to the old days and set things right. God he had been a complete fool.

_  
"There are times  
You're so impossible that I should sign a waiver  
And you will find  
Someone worth walking on when you ask me to go"_

Snape smiled a crooked smiled subconsciously as he remembered the ridiculous things his former best friend had made him do. Or rather, things he had done for his Lily. Once, James and his crew were hanging out by the lake, their wits even more addled then usual (in Snape's opinion) because of the accidental consumption of a harmless potion. However, James had strayed to close to the edge of the lake, almost falling in. Lily and Snape and been nearby, just soaking up the beautiful day. First because his consious would not let him do otherwise, and secondly because Lily Evans had wanted to, Snape jumped in to come to the arrogant Potter's rescue, soon brewing a cure to the strange behavior of James, Lupin, Sirius and Peter.

_"I'll leave when the wind blows  
Take a breath and there it goes  
I'll be outside of your window  
I'll pass by but I'll go slow  
I'll leave when the wind blows"_

Another memory flitted to his mind. It was the first New Year since Severus Snape began school in Hogwarts. Lily had been so homesick. Snape himself wasn't at all homesick, prefering this to neverending abuse from his Muggle father, Tobias Snape and his witch mother's attitude concerning her son. The food had been great at Hogwarts too. Besides, he had a whole library of treasures to discover and become acquainted with. Lily, however had decided out of selflissness to stay at Hogwarts over the holidays to keep her best friend company. Snape was touched by her act of such great kindness. He wanted to be there for her, just as she had once been for him. He had _been_ for her. He would turn back to the Light. (A/N. snigger. that sounds weird. oh well) He had betrayed her, betrayed practically everyone who mattered. But he would fix that. Yes. Severus Snape had joined Dumbledore and the Order of the Pheonix. He began to spy for Dumbledore. Everything he now did, he did for Good. He would keep Lily's son safe. Snape vowed to protect young Harry Potter, even though the boy represented all Snape had lost.

_  
"There was a day  
You threw our love away  
Then you passed it to someone new  
You wanna stay  
But since you wanna play  
We can finally say we're through"_

Snape uttered a heartwrenching cry without meaning to, all of his bitterness and sadness and regret and everything poured into that short, not long lasting sound. His heart hurt. When Lily and he had first parted ways, he would silently cry and rage every night until he fell asleep. "Hurt" could not even begin to describe his feelings. He did hurt. And somehow, Snape felt the world begin to hurt a lot too, no matter how preposterous that thought seemed to be. Lily began to love James. Snape could sense it. He had a built in Lily's Feelings Radar in him, alerting him to when he finally could no longer deny that James and Lily loved each other. Lily was no longer his. They were through. Through being friends, through beginning to be what they could have been, man and wife. Lily had played with him. Had tossed his fragile heartstrings and toyed with them mercilessly. And he still loved her. 

_  
"There are times you're so impossible and you ask me to go_

I'll leave when the wind blows  
Take a breath and there it goes  
I'll be outside of your window  
I'll pass by but I'll go slow  
I'll leave when the wind blows

You can scream there's just echoes  
Pass outside of your window  
You'll be sad that you let me go  
I'll leave but just know..."

Snape would leave. Leave a hole in their lives that couldn't be replaced, something, someone, maybe James and other people would fill up temporarily like the sand the wind blew into a hole in a beach and drew back out. He wondered briefly, if Lily had felt pain at how she and Severus were becoming. Snape mentally slapped himself. Of course she had. She still loved him, he knew. Still had love and compassion in her heart.

_"As I lay in solitude  
Oh What's a boy supposed to do  
I Shake the very thought of you  
Me together, I remember  
Late nights when I stayed up late  
All I do is wait and wait  
Your never coming home to me  
That's the hardest thing to see"_

Lily drifting apart from him. Lily loving stupid arrogant Potter. Lily never coming home to him, no longer being practically the other half of him, that had hurt him the most. It was the hardest part of letting go, of wanting to her to be happy, even if it destroyed at least some of his.

The tears began to fall. Snape drew his black sleeve across them, and wiped them with his dark robe. Still, the silver droplets began fell fast, seeming as if they would never stop. Minutes, more like hours to the genious wizard The spy and member of the Order of the Pheonix no longer bothered to calm himself down. Instead, he began to sing. His voice was surprisingly good, rich and deep with emotion. It didn't even crack. Which was surprising since Severus Snape just didn't sing. His voice rang out and grew a bit louder, giving the singer strength to bear his great burden.

_  
"I got to breathe  
You can't take that from me  
We can finally say we're through_

_I'll leave when the wind blows  
Take a breath and there it goes  
I'll be outside of your window  
I'll pass by but I'll go slow  
I'll leave when the wind blows_

You can scream there's just echoes  
Pass outside of your window  
You'll be sad that you let me go  
On every face you'll ever know  
And everywhere you ever go  
You'll feel when the wind blows"

Snape looked one last time at his at the tombstone of his former "love-of-his-life". He kissed it. "Goodbye, my Lily." With that final goodbye, he turned around, his black robes rustling and billowing in the wind. Snape Apparated, thoughts and mind now fully focused on Harry Potter and his work for Dumbledore.

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